WELCOME TO THE CLUB by Varian Milagro

I sat up on my Cervelo R3 as I coasted into the cul-de-sac where I lived with my significant other, Avril. I sucked electrolyte infused water from my Polar high-performance water bottle while I checked my stats on my Garmin Forerunner. Heart rate was 160 beats per minute and my average speed a brisk 21 miles per hour which wasn’t bad considering that included traffic lights on my 22 mile commute from work. I turned into my driveway and nearly cursed. My neighbor, Angus “Tank” Hillman was working on his motorcycle again.

Avril was going to flip. As usual Angus had his garage door open and his 1980s rock music blaring. He claimed that he needed the door open to ventilate the garage and needed the music to concentrate. Avril preferred new age music; rock music grated on her nerves. I didn’t mind the music, but I wished that Angus would at least wear clothes that fit. The site of his ass crack was enough to put me off my dinner.

I dismounted from my bike and crept to the front door, avoiding the garage, fearing that its sound would alert Angus to my presence.

“Howdy, neighbor,” said Angus in his deep gruff voice. “How goes the war?”

“Hello, Angus.” I leaned my bicycle against my house and walked over to the property line. “How are you on this fine spring day?”

“Another day above ground so I can’t complain.”

“Are you working on a new bike?” I asked, looking into his garage. The previous motorcycle had been blue and this one was black. “That doesn’t look like the one you were working on last week.”

“You got a good eye, chief. Yeah, I finished up the Fat Boy and now I’m working on a 1994 Sportster 883.”

While Angus rambled about the history of Harley Davidson, how great their bikes were and the heydays of the great biker gangs, I wondered what I’d done in a previous life to deserve a neighbor like him. It must have been pretty horrendous.


Angus was so repulsive. We stood a good ten feet apart, he on his side of the property line and me on mine and I could still smell his stench. He reeked of grease, sweat, beer and cigar smoke. The last could be attributed to the cigar butt lodged in the corner of his mouth, but since he was never without a cigar it counted as part of him as far as I was concerned. 

I’d been worried about seeing his ass crack earlier, but his front wasn’t much better. I found myself wishing he’d remove the dirty bandana he used to keep his long, stringy black hair out of his face. If his hair wasn’t pulled back it would hide the craggy, hairy mess that he called a face. He had a deep scar that ran along one cheek and a beard that looked like it hadn’t been washed since he’d gotten out of prison two years ago. He wore a leather vest with a Hell’s Angels emblem on the back, under which he wore a faded Harley Davidson t-shirt that looked like it may have fit 40 pounds ago. The thing strained against his barrel chest and hairy belly. 

“Wow. That is so interesting. Thanks for sharing,” I said when he’d finished his filibuster. “Listen, do you think you could turn down the music a tad?”

“You have a problem with my music?” Angus stepped across the property line. He puffed on his cigar as he looked down at me.

“No, not me,” I said quickly. Besides being at least a head taller than me, he looked strong enough to lift one of his many motorcycles. “It’s Avril; she has a hard time hearing her programs on NPR over your music.”

Angus placed a massive paw on my shoulder and shook his head. “Just who wears the pants in your house, Milo?” I winced as he squeezed my shoulder. “Sure, I’ll turn down the music.”

“Thanks.” I turned to leave.

“Say, have you tried those cigars I gave you for your birthday?”

“Not yet, Angus. I’m not much of a cigar smoker.”

“Well, if you’re not going to smoke them, would you mind bringing them over here? I’d hate to see quality cigars go to waste. And call me Tank, all right?” 

Angus turned down the music as promised and I went inside and started in on dinner, a vegan lentil curry. Thirty minutes later Avril arrived home from work where she taught women’s studies at Alder Creek Community College. She wore an ankle-length, hemp skirt and a beige, organic cotton blouse. Her light-brown hair was cut into a short bob. She never wore makeup since she felt that it was a male construct designed to keep women busy on unimportant matters. She also took issue with the animal testing involved with most makeup. Her bra was visible beneath her blouse, not that she really needed one. She had tiny A cups and was skinny to the point that some people thought she had a disorder.

We hugged and kissed and I once again thanked providence that allowed me to share life’s journey with such a wonderful human being. We shared world views in general, but still had spirited debates. Such as the benefits of a plant based vegan diet versus a raw vegan diet or the best way to celebrate the earth and all the treasures she so generously shares with us. In her spare time Avril was an eco-activist and tri-athlete. I could out do her on a bike and I held my own swimming, but she left me in the dust on the marathon.

After dinner, we sat in the living room, Enya playing softy on the stereo, flickering candles our only light. Avril sat lengthwise on our wicker love seat with her feet in my lap, which I massaged. She had her eyes closed and looked like peace personified. My hands left her feet and slid beneath her skirt and massaged her calves. My plan was to continue my massage up her legs until I reached her inner thighs and then I’d make love to her in the candle light. Unfortunately our neighbor chose that moment to rattle our windows with AC/DC’s ”Hell’s Bells”.

Avril stiffened. “I thought you said that you talked to him.” She pulled her legs away from me and sat up.

“I did. Apparently it wasn’t enough. I’ll talk to him again.” I stood and headed to the bedroom.

“Our inconsiderate neighbor isn’t in the bedroom, Milo.”

“I’m getting a peace offering.”

I grabbed the box of cigars from my closet and looked at the label. The bust of a red, winged devil stood over the words “Fausto”. The cigars looked expensive. Avril waited for me at the front door, her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. I slipped on my Birkenstocks beneath her glare. I found Angus in his garage, bent over his motorcycle, showing his ass crack to the world.

“I have your cigars, Angus,” I said once I was able to get his attention.

“Thanks buddy. Why don’t you have one with me,” Angus said around the long cigar already in his mouth.

“No thanks. Look, can you turn down the music?”

“You’ve got to at least try one of these cigars. There’s nothing else like them.”

“Thank you, but no.”

“Tell you what. Try one of the cigars and I’ll be a church mouse for a whole week.” He walked over to his stereo and touched the volume knob. “So, is it a yes?” He turned the music down to a whisper. “Or a no?” He cranked the music until my ears felt like they were going to implode.

“I’ll try one,” I screamed.

Angus smiled and hit the power button, the resulting silence was heavenly. “Prepare to have your life changed.”

Angus set his cigar on a workbench and took the wooden cigar box from me. He opened it and removed one of the long, thick cigars. He ran it under his nose, seeming to savor the aroma. He removed a buck knife from his belt.  

“Got to make a hole first,” Angus said as he cut the pointy end of the cigar.

He flicked his lighter to life, a light blue flame shot out with a hiss. He rolled the tip of the cigar over the flame. It reminded me of roasting marshmallows as a child. Once the tip began to glow he handed the cigar to me.

“Take a small amount in your mouth and hold it for a couple seconds and then let it out.”

I took the cigar from Angus, scarcely believing what I was about to do. I’d never smoked any form of tobacco before, but if it meant a week of quiet I was ready to do almost anything. I sucked hot smoke into my mouth. I wanted to blow it out right away. Angus, seeming to sense this, held up a hand, indicating that I shouldn’t exhale. After several seconds he finally gave me a nod and I blew the smoke out.

“How was that?” he asked.

“It tastes better than it smells,” I said in an attempt to say something nice about the experience.

Angus relit his cigar and filled the air between us with smoke. It didn’t smell nearly as noxious as it had a few minutes earlier.

I took another drag and then rolled the smoke around my mouth, like how I sampled wine. I detected a strong smoke flavor with smoky undertones. I blew out the smoke. I wasn’t much of a cigar connoisseur. I figured that I’d stick to organic wine. 

“So, how do you pay the rent?” Angus leaned against his work bench. He rolled his cigar as he took another deep drag.

“I’m the web designer for Earth Mother. We make eco friendly maternity wear.” I drew again on my cigar, finding the taste a bit more tolerable. “So, what is it that you do for a living, Angus?”

“Call me Tank. I’m not punching a clock. I’m still living off a big score I made from before I went inside. Right now I’m restoring hogs. I’m going to put together a new crew.”

“What kind of crew, Tank?”

“I used to run with the Angels.” Angus pointed at his back. “But, we had a parting of the ways. Then I did the time. Now I’m going to put my own motorcycle club together. I’m almost done with the bikes, now I just need to work on the crew.”

“Sounds like fun. I wish you lots of luck.” I wondered if Avril and I should move. I did not like the idea of living next to the leader of a biker gang.



“Okay, time to smoke like a man. After pulling the smoke into your mouth you need to suck it into your lungs.”

“I thought that you weren’t supposed to inhale cigar smoke.”

“I bet you’ve smoked pot. Be pretty pointless if you didn’t inhale, wouldn’t it.”

I couldn’t argue with that logic. I sighed. I’d gone this far, a couple inhales wouldn’t kill me. I took a small drag and then sucked the smoke into my lungs. I started to gag. Angus sprang at me. He clamped his hand on my chin, holding my mouth shut.

“Don’t cough,” he ordered. “Hold it like a man.”

The room began to spin. I finally released the smoke through my nose. It tickled. Angus smiled and then removed his hand. I sneezed.

“What the hell, Tank?”

“Sorry about that, chief. Choking on your first real drag could ruin you as a cigar smoker.”

“I do not intend to be a cigar smoker and assaulting me isn’t going change my mind.”

“Yeah, but how did it taste?”

I thought about it for a second. “Not bad actually. But, I’m done for tonight.” I held the cigar out to him.

“You’ve just started that thing.” Angus took a puff off his cigar while he stared at the smoldering cigar in my hand. “Tell you what. Take one more drag, a real drag and I’ll consider the cigar smoked and our deal will stand.”

“Fine.” I drew on the cigar for a long while, filling my entire mouth with smoke. I held it, fearing that I’d taken in too much. I considered blowing it out uninhaled, but I didn’t want Angus making more statements about my manhood or lack of it. I breathed in the hot smoke and fought the urge to cough. I held the smoke and felt like I was floating. My skin tingled as a surge of pleasure coursed through my body. I exhaled and Angus smiled.

“Welcome to the club,” he said with a devilish grin and then slapped me on the back.

I took one more long puff for the road and then handed Angus the cigar.

I felt energized as I walked home. I felt strong. I felt manly. I felt horny. Avril was in the bedroom, laying in bed and feigning sleep. I stripped and joined her in bed. She lay on her side, facing the wall. I kissed her neck and fondled her tiny breasts, my erection poking her thigh.

“You reek,” she said as she brushed my hand away from her breasts. 

“Angus was smoking a cigar while I talked to him. It took some convincing, but he agreed to keep the music down all next week.”

Avril rolled over and glared at me. I kissed her.

“And why do you have cigar breath? Please tell me you weren’t smoking one of those foul things.”

“It was all part of the deal.” I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. “Let’s make love. I want you so bad right now.”

“Take a shower and wash that stink off you. And brush your teeth. Your breath is turning my stomach.”

“Okay, but then after, let’s make love. I need you tonight.”

“I don’t think so, Milo. If he keeps the music off like you promise, then maybe later in the week.” 

I took a quick shower. As I dried myself something seemed off about my body. I realized it was the hair on my arms and legs; it looked darker and thicker. I looked in the mirror. My chest hair was darker as well. I figured it must have something to do with the lighting. I never took showers at night.

************

The following day, when I arrived home from work, something seemed different. At first I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. Angus was in his garage, working on his motorcycle. That was normal. He looked up and waved, a cigar sticking out of his mouth. That was fairly normal as well. The birds were chirping and I could hear the wind rustle through the leaves of the tree. That wasn’t normal. I realized that Angus had his music turned down. He’d kept his promise. Avril would be so pleased. I leaned my bike against my house and walked over to Angus’s garage. 

“Thanks for keeping the music down.” I could smell his cigar. It didn’t bother me today.

“A deal is a deal,” Angus said. “You got a spare moment?”

“Sure. What do you need?”

“I’m trying to get this bolt off. I need you to hold this wrench and stop it from turning while I work on the nut. It’s rotating on me and I can’t reach both sides.”

I knelt down and held the wrench. Angus knelt on the opposite side of the motorcycle. He used a socket wrench on the nut. He grunted as he tried to get the thing to turn. He stopped after half a minute, sprayed the nut with WD-40, the smell of oil mixed with his cigar smoke. He grabbed the wrench with both hands and put his whole body into it, his face turning red and tendons standing out on his neck. He puffed on his cigar furiously. Suddenly he jerked as the nut came free and he smiled. He ratcheted the wrench back and forth quickly and, after a few seconds, the nut fell to the ground.

“Thanks, chief.” Angus stood and walked over to a plastic cooler. He pulled out two cans of Budweiser and tossed one to me. “I’ve been trying to get that nut loose for the last hour. I was about to take a sledgehammer to the fucking thing.”

I popped the tab on the beer and took a sip. I’m a wine drinker normally and when I do have a beer, I usually go for an import. The ice cold Bud really hit the spot though. I took a second, longer drink and belched. 

Angus had a cigar in his hand. He was using a lighter to toast the end. I wondered what he was doing. He already had a half smoked cigar in his mouth. When the tip of the cigar began to smolder nicely he handed it to me. I stared at it for a moment and then brought it to my mouth. I took a long drag and sucked the smoke into my lugs. The floaty feeling returned. I exhaled and took another gulp of beer. I smiled and put the cigar in my mouth.

“You want any more help with your hog?” I asked around my cigar.

“Do bears shit in the woods?

“You know, it’s pretty quiet in here. We’re going to need some tunes.”

Tank smiled. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

I was working on Tank’s ride and my second cigar when Avril stormed into the garage. I didn’t see her at first. All my attention was on the carburetor in my hands. I was taking it apart so I could clean out the built up gunk.

“What are you doing, Milo?” Avril screamed, trying to be heard over Judas Priest blaring through Tank’s speakers.

I looked up to see Avril and her friend Daisy. Avril looked pissed. Daisy looked lost. Daisy stood five-three, weighed around 180 pounds, and rarely spoke. She talked to Avril, they’d been best friends since grade school, but she didn’t talk to me or anyone else as far as I knew. Daisy was single and had been for as long as I’d known her. 

“Just a sec,” I yelled back. I picked up a rag and wiped some of the grease off my hands. I hit the power on the stereo. “That’s better. Now I can hear you.” I drew on my cigar. I removed it and said, “What can I do you for?” I exhaled through my nose as I drained the last of my Bud. I tossed the can onto the pile with the rest of the empties.

“What the hell is going on? Why are you over here? Why are you working on a motorcycle and listening to that atrocious music? Why are you smoking?” She had her arms crossed over her chest. Daisy looked like she wanted to hide.

“I’m helping Tank with his bike. You know, being neighborly. Sorry about the music, I meant to turn it off before you got home, but I lost track of time.”

“Where is the Neanderthal, anyway?” Avril asked.

“He’s on a beer run. He’s also getting a large meat lovers from Pizza Hut.”

“You don’t eat pizza unless its vegan and gluten free.”

Her words felt like water in the face. She was right. I didn’t smoke or drink domestic beer. I looked at the carburetor. Yesterday I would’ve had a hard time pointing out a carburetor on a motor and today I’d removed one on my own. I shook my head. I dropped the cigar to the ground and crushed it with my shoe.

“I don’t know what happened, Avril. I came over here to thank Angus for keeping the music off and next thing I know I’m smoking, drinking and working on his motorcycle with him. It was like I was possessed or something. I’ll take a shower and then make us some dinner.”

“Don’t bother. Daisy and I are going out.” Avril stormed off with Daisy in tow. They climbed into Avril’s Nissan Leaf and drove away.

I went home, took a shower and brushed my teeth. As I dressed there was a knock on my door. It was Angus. He had the box of Fausto cigars in his hand.

“You forgot these,” he said as he held the box out toward me.

“I don’t think I’m going to be smoking anymore. Avril saw me smoking and she got really pissed and took off.”

“You can’t let your woman tell you how to live your life, chief. You tell her how it’s going to be. If you want to smoke cigars, then fucking smoke.”

“I guess you’re right,” I said, taking the box from him.

“Why don’t you come back over? I’ve got lots of beer and pizza.”

“Sounds tempting, but I’m going to call it a night.”

I closed the door, grabbed my laptop and headed to my bedroom. As I stashed the cigars in my closet I thought about Tank’s words. I still wasn’t sure that if I wanted to smoke anymore, but if I did then Avril would need to live with it. I turned on NPR and started reading my favorite blog, “EarthNow!”. Neither gave me pleasure. After ten minutes I switched the radio from NPR to a classic rock station. I found a Wikipedia article on Harley Davidson and started reading.

Avril wasn’t home when I went to bed. She’d texted me and let me know that she and Daisy were going to have a girl’s night at the club. Seeing as how it was Friday and neither of worked on Saturday, it was likely that she wouldn’t be home until the bars closed. I’d thought about texting my friend Wexley to see what he was up to, but I was beat.

I woke to the sound of a crash followed by girlish laughter. I sat up to find Avril on the ground, half undressed laughing her head off. I glanced at the clock. It read 2:30am. I got out of bed and helped my drunk girlfriend undress.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you,” she slurred.

“It’s okay, Avril. Do you need to pee before you get in bed?”

She shook her head. “You’re so sweet, Milo. I’m sorry I got mad earlier. You can be friends with Angus if you want.” She stared at me for a long moment. “Why are there two of you?”

I laughed and helped her into bed. I went to the kitchen and filled a glass with water, figuring that Avril would want it in the morning. I also grabbed a bucket, just in case she got sick in the night.

************

Avril was still asleep when I woke at eight the next morning. She woke for a minute while I dressed. She sat up and drained the glass of water. Her bloodshot eyes looked my way. She mumbled something about wanting to die and then lay back down while pulling the covers over her head.

I thought about the cigars in my closet as I dressed. I thought about them while I made breakfast and then while I ate. I couldn’t get them out of my mind. I wanted nothing more than to pull the rich smoke deep into my lungs. I figured that I must be addicted, but I’d never heard of anyone becoming addicted to smoking in less than two days.

I headed into the backyard with a book, hoping to get my focus away from the cigars. It worked well at first. I was reading Green Scare, a fascinating book on the government’s attempt to demonize eco warriors by calling them eco terrorists, among other things. I got lost in its pages until the seductive scent of my neighbor’s cigar pulled me away. I stuck my head over the fence to find Tank with his ever present cigar in his mouth, sitting on a workout bench doing curls with a sizable dumbbell.

“Morning, chief. Just getting in a workout,” Tank said. “Want to join me?”

“I’ll get changed and be right over!” I ran inside to change into some sweats and grab my cigars.

We were still working out a couple hours later. I was pounding out a set on the bench press while Tank spotted me. There was 225lbs on the bar and I was feeling a great burn in my pecs.

“Milo, where are you?” Avril called from the other side of the fence.

“I’m over at Tank’s. I’ll be home in a minute.” I set the bar in the bench’s cradle and sat up. I grabbed my cigar and workout towel off Tank’s cooler. I put the cigar in my mouth and took a deep drag while I wiped sweat off my brow. There was nothing like a good smoke after an intense workout session.

“I got to go, Tank.” I grabbed his hand in mine. He pulled me up into a brotherly hug.

“Come over later. I’ve got a surprise for you.”

I sucked on my cigar as I walked over to my property, leaving a trail of smoke in my wake. I looked inside my box of cigars, 15 remained. I needed to get Tank something to show my appreciation for the cigars, maybe a nice single malt whiskey. I found Avril in the back yard. She stared at me with her mouth agape.

“What is happening to you, Milo?”

I pulled the cigar out of my mouth. “I was just working out with Tank while you slept off your bender.”

“Come with me.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the house. She led me to the bathroom.

“Look at yourself,” she demanded.

I looked into the mirror. I thought I looked pretty good. My muscles were pumped from my workout. The Harley Davidson tattoo on my shoulder glistened with sweat. The dark stubble on my face was starting to look like a beard. My thick chest hair peeked out of the top of my wife beater and my shaggy hair hung past my ears.

“I look good.”

“This isn’t you Milo. Can’t you see how you’ve changed? Look at your body. You’ve got huge muscles now and a tattoo for goodness sake.”

I looked at my reflection again, the man in the mirror becoming a stranger before my eyes. It was me, but I didn’t have thick, corded muscles or thick, dark hair or a tattoo. And the smoke. I was breathing in smoke from my cigar like I was breathing oxygen.

“Our neighbor is doing something to me.” I stormed out of the bathroom.

“Where are you going?”

“To get some fucking answers,” I roared. I snatched up a baseball bat I kept in the hall closet.

“Don’t get violent, Milo. Let’s call the police. Let them handle it.”

“No! No fucking cops. A man should fight his own battles.”

As I stormed to Tank’s house, the bat in one hand and the box of cigars in the other, I realized that I was still puffing on my cigar. I tossed it on the ground and crushed it beneath my shoe.

“What the hell are you doing to me?” I yelled as I entered the garage. I held up the bat, ready to swing.

“Calm down, chief,” Tank said casually. “Have a seat and I’ll tell you what’s been going on.”

“It’s these damn cigars isn’t it? They’re changing me. They’re making me like you.”

“Set the bat down and let’s talk it out.”

I dropped the box of cigars and then broke the bat over my knee. I tossed the two halves across the garage. “I’m going to bash you’re fucking skull in.”

Tank laughed. “You’re turning out just like I’d hoped. The skinny pansy is gone and a real bruiser is in his place, just what a biker gang needs.”

“You better tell me how you did this and how to undue it or its skull cracking time.”

“I’ll tell you everything. First I want to show you something.” Tank walked across the garage. He yanked on a blanket and revealed a gorgeous 1965 pan head Harley Davidson chopper. Its chrome engine gleamed and its black paint job shined. “This is yours. As the second member of our motorcycle club, you need a ride that benefits your status.”

“It’s beautiful,” I said as I ran a hand along its supple leather seat.

Tank put a hand on my shoulder. “I could have picked anyone. I picked you. You deserve this.”

I sat down and listened to what Tank had to say. Ten minutes later I was riding my new chopper to The Tobacconist, the store where he’d bought my cigars.

************

A bell chimed when I entered the small tobacco shop and the rich aroma of tobacco leaves filled the air. A long counter with a built in display case bisected the store. On my side of the counter, several plush, parlor chairs, and half a dozen brass, standing ashtrays, sat on an expensive looking oriental rug. A tall, graying, distinguished looking gentleman in three piece suit stood behind the counter. Pipes, cigarette holders, cigar cutters and a wide variety of lighters were displayed on top or inside of the display case. Behind the man were shelves crammed with bags of tobacco, boxes of cigars and cartons of cigarettes.

“Welcome. I am The Tobacconist and this is my store. How may I assist you today?” the man said with an unnerving smile.

I set the box of cigars on the counter. “My neighbor gave these and they are turning me into a muscled up biker. I need you to change me back.”

The Tobacconist’s smile fell. “All my products are fully guaranteed. If you are not completely satisfied with the results I can and will reverse their effects.”

“That’s exactly what I want.”

“My I ask why you wish to change back? Are you not happy with your changes so far?”

“I feel fucking great. But, this isn’t who I am. I spent yesterday rebuilding a motorcycle and this morning lifting free weights. I had a great time, sure, but that’s not me.”

“But it could be,” The Tobacconist said, his smile returning. “Think about it. No more punching a clock. No more boss. Get up when you want. If you want to take off for a week there’ll be no one to tell you no. You won’t have to take grief from anyone. One look at you and they won’t want to mess with you and if they do, you’ll make them wish they hadn’t.”

“That sounds great and all, but what about Avril. I love her and she won’t want to live like that.”

“What if she did?” The Tobacconist’s smile shifted from creepy to scary. He reached into a drawer and then set a couple packs of Marlboro 100s on the counter. “If your girlfriend smokes these she will become the type of woman who loves the type of man you are becoming.”

“Avril doesn’t smoke.”

“If I’m not mistaken, neither did you a couple days ago. I’m sure that a man like you can find a way to get his woman to take a couple puffs off a cigarette. Once she’s gotten a good dose in her lungs the magic will take care of the rest.”

“I’m not sure,” I said. 

The Tobacconist opened another drawer and removed a small snuff box. “This will reverse all of the cigar’s effects on you. You will also lose all your cravings.” He set the snuff box next to the cigarettes.

I picked up the snuff box and put it in my pocket. I then imagined Avril in a full set of leathers, her arms wrapped around me as we rode my chopper to who-the-fuck-cares-where. I shifted my growing cock in my jeans and grabbed the cigarettes.

“Don’t forget these.” The Tobacconist held up my box of cigars.

************

As I rode home I tried to decide what I should do. I could remember enjoying my old life, but it seemed so plain at the moment. I used to love riding my bicycle, my blood pumping, breathing in the fresh air. At the moment I was enjoying the roar of my motorcycle and the only thing I wanted to breathe was smoke from my cigar. I thought about my job at Mother Earth. Did I really want to go back to work next week, punch a clock and do what my boss told me to do or did I want to go for a ride on my motorcycle with Tank and do whatever the fuck I felt like doing?

I pulled into my driveway and grabbed the black saddle bag as I hopped off. I leaned the bike on its kickstand and went into the house to find my woman.

“Where have you been?” Avril demanded as soon as she saw me. “I’ve been calling and texting you for the last half hour.”

“I got Tank to tell me what has been happening to me and I’ve got the fix right here.” I held up the studded leather saddle bag.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Use it.”

“Later. I want to spend the weekend like this.”

“Why?”

“I’ve got the chance to be somebody else for a little while. I get to walk around in a different body. Look at these muscles.” I flexed my arm, my bicep bulged impressively. “Plus, there’s something you haven’t seen yet.” I dropped my pants.

Avril stared at the snake between my legs. “And just what do you think you’re going to do with that?”

I pulled off my shirt as I walked over to her. I grabbed her hand and placed it on my chest. She rubbed my muscular pecs. I placed her other hand on my rising cock and then lifted her chin. “Tell me you don’t want to experience this body for yourself. Tell me that you don’t want the chance to have sex with me while I look like this.” 

I leaned down and kissed Avril. She stroked my cock while my tongue explored her mouth. I picked her up and carried her and the saddlebag into the bedroom. I sat her on the bed and yanked off her shirt while she pulled down her skirt.

“I don’t know if that thing is going to fit inside me,” Avril said as she stared at my erection.

“It’ll fit. I’ll go slow so I don’t hurt you.”

Avril let out a yelp when I first entered her. I paused and waited for her to give me the signal to continue. She bit her lip and nodded. I slid a little bit more inside her pussy. I paused for a moment and withdrew. I paused again and slid back in, a little bit deeper than before. I continued working back and forth slowly until Avril stop grimacing and began moaning. I built up into a nice steady rhythm and she screamed out the first of several orgasms. I didn’t even pause, letting her writhe beneath me as I slammed my pelvis into her clit and my balls slapped her ass. After her second orgasm I grabbed her around the waist, flipped her over and fucked her doggy style.

After I came I lay on my back with my arms behind my head. She lay on my chest and played with my wiry chest hair. We were both drenched in sweat and the air reeked of our juices.

“You’ll need to change back on Sunday night,” she said.

“I’d rather do it on Monday.”

“We’re going out to my parents for Memorial Day. My brother and sister will be there, too. Don’t tell me you forgot.” She sat up and glared at me.

“I didn’t forget,” I said.

“Liar.” She poked me in my ribs and lay back down.

“Want to go for a ride on my new motorcycle later?”

“Not hardly,” she said with a laugh. “You couldn’t pay me to get on one of those death traps.”

“Come on, it’ll be great.”

“Look, this has been fun and I’ll miss the anaconda between your legs, but you need to go back to being the Milo I love.”

“I’m grabbing a smoke.” I slid out from beneath her and grabbed the saddle bag off the floor. I pulled out a cigar, lighter and a pack of cigarettes.

“Don’t light that thing up in here,” she said as I toasted the end of the cigar. “You’re going to stink up the room.”

I took a drag. “A little smoke won’t kill anyone. I’ve heard that an after sex smoke is supposed to be pretty good.” I took another puff. “And it is. You should try it.”

“I’m not smoking a cigar.”

I stuck the cigar in my mouth and unwrapped the cellophane from the pack of Marlboro 100s. “Not my cigar. One of these.” I pulled away the foil and extracted a single cigarette.

“I’m not smoking that,” Avril snapped.

I swapped out my cigar for the cigarette. I set my cigar on the nightstand and lit the cigarette. I let out an uninhaled puff. “Just try a couple puffs.”

“No!”

I sucked a load of smoke into my mouth and grabbed Avril’s head. I pulled her lips to mine and blew the smoke into her. She coughed the smoke out.

“What the hell, Milo?” She slapped me across the face and got out of bed.

“Get back here, woman.”

“Fuck off.”

I jumped out of bed and threw Avril over my shoulder. I tossed her onto the bed, crawled over her and straddled her waist. She screamed and thrashed beneath me. She bucked and twisted her body, trying to free herself, but she didn’t hit or kick me. She was too much of a pacifist for that. I sat on her and waited for her to wear herself out.

“Finished?” I said as when she settled down a bit.



She glared at me and panted, trying to catch her breath.

“I want you to take a couple drags off a cigarette. Is that too much to fucking ask? It’s not like you’ve never smoked before. You’ve smoked plenty of weed. Is one god damn cigarette going to kill you?”

“Why do you want me to smoke so badly?”

“I think it’ll be sexy as hell. Yesterday I wouldn’t have thought so, but today the idea of you smoking a cigarette after we’ve fucked is fucking hot.”

“You could have said that before you tried to force it down my throat.” Her face softened a little. She still looked pissed, but she’d lost the murder in her eyes.

“Yeah, you’re right. The new me tends to act first and think later.”

“All the more reason to go back to the old you,” she said. “Okay, I’ll try it.” She held her hand out for the cigarette. “But if you ever force yourself on me again I’ll find someone who doesn’t abhor violence to cut off the python between your legs and bury it the compost pile out back.”

I handed her the cigarette and grabbed my cigar off the nightstand. I watched as she placed the cigarette in her mouth and took a tiny puff. I was disappointed to see her release the smoke without inhaling. She shot me a frown letting me know that I’d better keep my mouth shut if I wanted her keep at it.

I hopped off the bed and grabbed a cup of water from the bathroom. As I walked back to the bed I filled my lungs with smoke and tapped my cigar ash. It hit the water with a satisfying sizzle. I sat on the bed next to Avril and held the cup out to her. She flicked her cigarette against the edge of the cup, her ash joining mine. 

“All right, here I go. I hope you appreciate this.” She raised the cigarette to her lips and drew on it for a second. When she opened her mouth I saw the smoke in her mouth for a brief moment before she sucked it down her throat. She held her mouth closed and tried to keep the smoke in as she fought against her instinct to cough. A little smoke escaped, but the majority stayed in her lungs, working its magic as she asserted her will over her body. She was red faced and her eyes were watering when she finally blew out a faint stream of smoke. 

I leaned over and kissed her. “You’re too good to me.” I wiped at a tear and kissed her again.

“I think I can do better than that.” She wrapped her lips around the cigarette and pulled more smoke into her lungs. She coughed lightly once and then exhaled a thicker cloud of smoke at my face.

“Damn, you look sexy as hell doing that.”

“Well, don’t get used to it because this is a onetime only thing.” She took another drag.

I lay back on the bed and sucked on my cigar. She cuddled up next to me with her head on my shoulder and exhaled smoke across my chest. My cock twitched. She looked at it and then at my face, a coy look on her face. She took a long drag on her cigarette and then exhaled toward my cock, bathing it in smoke. It began to rise.

“You really do like it when I smoke, don’t you?”

“You’ve no idea how much.”

She dragged on the cigarette as she sat up. With her face a foot from my crotch she emptied her smoke filled lungs, obscuring my cock and balls in a white cloud. Her upper body began to sway. She reached out and held my erection for balance.

“I’m getting a little dizzy,” she said.

“You should stop smoking then.” I held the cup out to her.

“One more.” She sucked on the cigarette for several seconds and then tossed the butt into the cup. 

She wrapped her lips around the head of my cock. As she slid her mouth down my erection she released her smoke slowly through the corners of her mouth. She worked my cock with her mouth for several minutes, trying to take as much in as possible. I sat up, grabbed her around the waist and rotated her body. Her mouth never left my cock. With her pussy half a foot from my face I sucked on my cigar, blew smoke all over her snatch and then tucked in. She came twice before I finally blew my load in her mouth.

“You are much better with your tongue than you used to be,” Avril said as we lay together.

“That was the best blow job you’ve ever given me.” I said as I puffed on a new cigar.

“I don’t know what got into me. I normally don’t like giving oral sex that much, but I couldn’t get enough of your cock.”

“Any chance you’ve changed your mind about going for a ride with me on my chopper?”

“Maybe,” she said with a coy smile. “If you’re a good boy tonight and do what I say I might go riding with you.” She kissed me and ran her hand over my cock. “Right now there’s something else I want to ride.”

I picked Avril up and carried her to the shower where we fucked until the water turned cold. 

************

After our shower, Avril headed out to do some shopping while I paid our neighbor a visit. He was in his garage working on one of his motorcycles, a Budweiser sitting at his feet, a cigar resting in his mouth. I let out a hearty laugh. He was still showing half his ass to the neighborhood.

“You got to do something about your pants, Tank. You’re showing off your ass crack.”

“Fuck if I care. You see The Tobacconist?” He stood, wiped his hands and then tossed me a bud.

“Sure did.” I popped open the beer, removed my cigar from my mouth and drank half of the can in one pull.

“Don’t leave me hanging for fuck’s sake. Did he hook you up?” 

“Yes and Avril will be pleased.” I finished the bud and grabbed myself another one from Tank’s cooler.

Tank looked disappointed. “All right, I can respect a man who wants to make his old lady happy. I hope you’re not too pissed that I tried to change you. I thought that you’d like the biker life.”

“Pissed? Far from it.” I tossed the pack of Marlboro 100s to him.

“What are these?”

“Those are going to make Avril happy. The Tobacconist says that they’ll turn any woman into a hard core biker chick.”

“There’s one missing.” A wicked smile crept over Tank’s face.

“Avril smoked her first less than an hour ago.”

Tank gave me a hearty smack on the back. “Fuckin-A, Milo. Fuckin-A”

“Call me Snake.”

“Care to go riding with me tomorrow, Snake. I need to meet up with some people and I’d like to have you along.”

“I’m there, man,” I said as I exhaled through my nose. “I’m trying to talk Avril into riding. I’d like to bring her along if she’s willing”

Tank ran a hand over his chin and said, “If this thing goes sideways it could get ugly. Not the place for a tiny slip of a girl like Avril.”

“I’ll keep her safe.”

Tank laughed. “You look tough enough to take on anything that comes your way. Fuck it, bring her along. It will give her a chance to see how you’re going to be making a living.”

For the next hour Tank and I worked on his bike. First we installed the newly rebuilt carburetor and then added the wheels and seats. Once we finished, Tank fired it up. It sounded like a lion purring. He twisted the throttle and the lion unleashed a roar. 

I hopped on my bike and we took off on a ride around town. I’d enjoyed riding by myself earlier in the day, but riding with my new friend increased the pleasure. There was a camaraderie I’d not known before. After our ride Tank and I hung out, drinking and smoking, until Avril arrived home in her Nissan Leaf.

“Good thing you’re changing back tomorrow, Milo. I don’t know I could ever get used to you smelling like beer and cigars,” Avril said after I greeted her with a kiss. “Help me unload the car.” 

“Call me Snake,” I said as I grabbed a couple bags. When she rolled her eyes I added, “Just until I change back.”

She sighed heavily. “We’ll see.”

“What’s this?” I held up one of the bags in my hands. “Cruise In - For all your cycling needs” was written on the side of the bag. 

“That’s a surprise so no peeking. I’ll show you after dinner. I got take out from Thai Palace and I’m starved.

I grumbled to myself as I carried the bags inside. I wanted to know what was in the bags and I didn’t feel like waiting to find out. It took some will power to resist the urge to rifle through them. I dumped the bags in the bedroom and headed to the kitchen. I started grumbling again. I didn’t want vegan Thai food. I wanted a steak or a burger with the works. I kept my mouth shut as I ate with Avril. If I played my cards right she’d smoke a few more cigarettes and she’d want to eat steaks as well.

After dinner Avril disappeared into the bedroom to prepare her surprise. She came out a minute later wearing a grey, full face helmet on her head. She flipped up the visor and smiled at me. 

“I decided that I want to go riding with you tomorrow. The sales clerk at the motorcycle store said that this was their safest helmet. I can return it for a full refund if I don’t scratch it.”

“God, you’re good to me.”

Avril beamed. “I bought you some clothes for tomorrow. I wasn’t sure of your size so I bought a variety. I can return it all after you change back.” Avril held up a black half helmet. “I also got you a helmet. The sales clerk called this a beanie and said it’s not as safe mine. Something told me that you wouldn’t want a full face helmet and I wanted you to wear something that would protect that wonderful brain of yours.” She looked up at me, a hopeful smile on her face. “Did I do good or what?”

“You did fucking amazing.” I picked her up and carried her into the bedroom.

We fucked again. Afterwards I smoked a cigar while we lay together. Avril turned down an after sex cigarette and I didn’t push it. I was having second thoughts on what I’d done to her. She was so good to me and I was such a shit. She’d do most anything to make me happy, even smoke a cigarette which she hated or ride a motorcycle which she feared. I told myself that I should go back to being Milo and let the love of my life continue being her sweet, wonderful self.

I puffed away on my cigar as I wrestled with my conflicting desires. Above all else, I didn’t want to give up smoking. I loved smoking cigars now. Even if I did go back to being skinny, bland Milo, I’d continue to smoke cigars, albeit regular, non-magical one. I put out my cigar and closed my eyes, now determined to use the cure and go back to being Milo. Right after our motorcycle ride tomorrow afternoon.

************

In the morning I made gluten, vegan pancakes with organic blueberries. What I really wanted was some fucking eggs over easy along with about a pound of bacon and I wanted my woman to make it for me, but I needed to keep focused on my old life. I couldn’t give into this one. It wasn’t right. Fuck, I wanted a cigar! All I had in the house were the magical ones and if I smoked another one of those, Milo would be gone for good.

“Do you have any more of those cigarettes?” Avril asked after we finished eating.

“You don’t have to smoke anymore.”

“You were so sweet, making me my favorite breakfast; I want to do something nice for you. I know how much you love watching me smoke.”

“It really isn’t necessary, Avril,” I said. I yearned to see her smoke; there was little I wanted more at the moment.

“I know it isn’t necessary, but I want to smoke a cigarette anyway. I hear that there great after a good meal. Come on, I’ll make it worth your while.” She ran her foot over my crotch.

I retrieved the cigarettes from their hiding place and tossed them onto the table. 

Avril removed a cigarette and placed it in her mouth. “Do you have a light?”



I had the lighter hidden in my fist. I gazed at Avril, her lips wrapped around the cork end of the cigarette. I screamed at myself not to light the cigarette, to grab it out of her mouth and tear it into shreds, along with the other enchanted smokes. 

“Give me a light, Snake,” Avril said, the cigarette bobbing up and down as she talked.

Hearing Avril say my new name shattered my resolve. I flicked the lighter to life and held it out to her. She leaned forward until the tip of her cigarette touched the flame and then sucked smoke into her lungs. She held it there for a couple seconds, not showing any urge to cough and then, with a look of pleasure on her face, she exhaled her smoke across the kitchen.

“Aren’t you going to smoke with me?” Avril asked and then took another long drag.

“I’m out of cigars,” I lied. 

“I’ll just have to smoke for the both of us.” Avril exhaled into my face and took a cheek hollowing drag.

I grabbed Avril by the back of the head and shoved my tongue into her mouth. The taste of cigarettes in her mouth sent a thrill straight to my cock. She blew smoke into my lungs as we continued to kiss, her hand tugging at my belt. While sinking to her knees she took another drag, pulled my cock from my jeans and ran her tongue along its tip, licking up my precum. A wicked grin spread across her face as she looked up at me and shot a cone of smoke toward my face.

“Still think this isn’t necessary?” Avril sucked on her cigarette as she turned back to my cock. 

She exhaled over my cock and then followed the smoke, taking half of my erection into her mouth. After working her tongue up, down and around she pulled away, took a drag and then swallowed me again, smoke pouring from her nose. She repeated this again and again until I erupted in her mouth. She swallowed, licked her lips and took a last drag off her cigarette. 

“Holy Shit, it tastes even better mixed with your cum,” she said as she crushed out her cigarette on her breakfast plate.   

Avril departed in her Leaf to meet Daisy for some free trade coffee and then they were going to do some shopping. She promised to be back in time for our ride at noon. I hung around the house and stewed. I struggled with the decision upon me. I wanted to go ridding today. I wanted to thunder down the road with Avril sitting behind me, her arms wrapped around my waist, the wind in our faces, not a care in the world. But I feared that I’d reached the final turning point. If I didn’t take the cure before we went riding I wouldn’t want to go back to being my former, pathetic self.

************

With an hour left until the start of our ride I headed over to Tank’s to tell him the bad news. I found him in his backyard punching a hanging, Everlast heavy bag. When he noticed me he paused, held up a single finger and went back to punching. Five minutes later he finished his workout. He grabbed a towel and an open Budweiser sitting on top of his cooler. He wiped sweat off his face before taking a long pull on his beer.

“Howdy, Snake. Sorry about the wait. I hate stopping in the middle of a workout. Want to take a turn. It’s great for the upper body.”

“Actually, I came over to tell you something.”

“Give the bag a go.” He tossed a pair of padded gloves to me. “I have a feeling you’re going to love it.”

I slid the gloves on and pulled the Velcro strap securely around my wrist. I threw a punch. It landed with a satisfying thud. The bag popped backwards a couple feet and then swung back and forth on its heavy chain. It was the first punch I’d thrown in nearly twenty years. It felt good. It felt right.

“That was a hell of a punch, Snake, and I bet that wasn’t even half strength.” Tank moved around to the other side of the bag and braced himself against the bag. He leaned into it like he was trying to push a car.

I threw another punch and it felt as good as the first. I threw another and another. I pummeled the bag with a succession of blows, each a little harder than the last. As I let loose I felt something grow in me, it was like a feeling of power mixed with dominance and a growing confidence that I could take on the world with my fists alone.

I’d never really stuck anything before. Hell, I used to feel bad after hitting a ball with a bat. Punching the bag felt glorious and I knew that it would feel even better hitting another man, an adversary who’d try to avoid my powerful blows, but would find himself too slow and, unless he had a jaw made of granite, would be knocked out cold.

“Great workout, Snake,” Tank said as he tossed me a towel after I finished my set. “Those guys better not start anything today or they won’t know what hit them. I will. It’ll be you.” He let out a guffaw. “Cigar?”

I took the cigar from Tank and started toasting the end. After that workout I was having second thoughts about backing out on Tank. I found myself wishing that the guys would start some shit just so I could bust some heads. I took a puff, relishing the smoke in my lungs after such a good workout, and then said, “I need to talk to you about the ride today.”

“What’s on your mind?”

“I’m going to take Avril for a ride around Lake Parnel and then I’m going to give both of us the antidote.”

“If you want to take the antidote, fine, it’s your life. Just don’t leave me hanging, man. You said you were going to help and a man keeps his word.”

“I’m sorry to let you down, Tank, but this is the way it has to be.”

“Either of you boys got a light?” asked Avril from behind me.

I turned and nearly lost my shit. She stood at the gate to Tank’s backyard with a hand on a cocked hip and an unlit cigarette dangling from her painted lips. From head to toe she was dressed in black leather; high heeled riding boots, sleek leather pants, leather riding gloves and a fringed leather jacket. The only two articles of clothing I could see that weren’t leather were the Harley Davidson t-shirt under her jacket and the matching bandana she had tied around her neck.

“Don’t just stand there with your chin on the ground, Snake. Give the lady a light.”

“Yeah, Snake baby, give me a light,” she said as she sauntered toward me, her cigarette bobbing as she talked.

My hand shook as I lit her cigarette. I could not wrap my head around how unbelievably sexy Avril looked in her black leather outfit. I didn’t know if it was the tight leather pants or part of the magic, but her butt looked like it had filled out. I wanted grab her shapely ass and take her on the spot. 

“I bought you some leathers too. I also picked up some other clothes. You don’t want to go on our ride with Tank wearing sweats,” Avril said and then exhaled to the side.

“We’re not riding with Tank, baby. We’re going to ride around Lake Parnel and then I’m going back to being Milo.”

“I thought you said that he needed you on the ride,” Avril said with a look of confusion.

“I sure as shit do,” Tank interjected.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. The ride around the lake will be fun.”

“Baby, you can’t just bail on Tank.” She slipped her arm around my waist. “It’s not right.”

“You don’t understand, besides being illegal there’s a good chance I’ll end up fighting. You don’t want me being violent, do you?”

Avril took a long pull on her cigarette. She looked lost in thought. Smoke poured out of her nose as she raised her cigarette for another drag. With smoke flowing out of her mouth she said, “Snake, you are built for fighting. Don’t you think it would be a waste if you didn’t get into a least one decent fight before you changed back?”

I grabbed Avril around the waist and lifted her to my lips. “God, I love you, Avril.”

“I love you too, Snake. Hey, I should have a nickname too, don’t you think?”

“Damn straight,” Tank said. “You have something in mind?”

“Not yet,” Avril said.

“Well, I’m sure something will come to us before the day is done.”

Avril and I went home and she showed me the leathers she’d bought for me. I changed and when we headed back to Tank’s place I was dressed head to toe in black leather, like Avril. Instead of leather pants, I wore black leather chaps over jeans, my boots lacked a heel and my jacket wasn’t fringed, but other than that we pretty much matched. We even had matching t-shirts and bandanas.

“We’ll let’s get this show on the road,” Tank said as he straddled his motorcycle. He’d hooked up a cargo trailer to the back of his motorcycle while we’d been gone. “Hopefully this will go smooth, but I’ve never dealt with these guys before. I’ve been told they deal straight, but who knows.”

“You haven’t told me why we’re meeting them,” I said. “All I know is that it could be dangerous and isn’t exactly legal.”

“We’re buying guns, lots of guns. Most we’ll sell, but some we’ll keep.”

Tank fired up his Harley. Avril and I walked over to my bike, donning our helmets on the way. I threw my leg over the bike and hit the kickstand with the heel of my boot, sending it back to its riding position up against the body of the motorcycle. Avril climbed on and I fired up the engine. I twisted the throttle a couple times and listened to the engine roar. I looked back at Avril and we shared a smile. I fired up a cigar as Avril wrapped her arms around my waist. I turned the bike around and followed Tank out of the neighborhood with a window shaking rumble.

************

The ride was everything I’d hoped it would be. We hit the freeway and broke 90mph in a couple seconds. We weaved through traffic and took to the shoulders when the slow pokes wouldn’t get out of the way. Fearing a ticket from the police I’d never been one for speeding before. I couldn’t care less today as I rode next to my buddy with my lady holding on tight behind me. I didn’t want the ride to end. This is where I belonged now. On the road, on my bike, part of a team, with my lady love right along with me. 

We left the freeway after an hour and rode on a series of progressively worse roads. While we couldn’t hit the same speeds as we’d done on the freeway, these roads were hilly and full of curves and felt like a roller coaster. We hit a gravel road and began to climb. The gravel cut out and turned to packed dirt. About halfway up a mountain, Tank turned onto a horse trail. Another fifteen minutes of riding we hit a clearing and Tank came to a stop.

“Where are the other guys?” I asked as I removed my helmet. The scent of fresh pine filled the air. I pulled out my lighter and lit Avril’s cigarette and then relit what was left of my cigar.

“They’ll be along shortly. I wanted to get here first so we could see them arrive.” He turned to Avril. “I want you to hide before they get here.”

Avril spat smoke into the air. “Don’t give me your macho bullshit. I have as much right to be here as you.” She puffed furiously on her cigarette as she glared at Tank.

“Do it for me, baby. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you.”

Avril wrapped her arm around my waist and smiled up at me. “You want to protect me. You’re so sweet.”

I leaned down and kissed Avril. Tank pulled a paper bag out of the cargo trailer and tossed it into the bushes. Soon after, the unmistakable sound of motorcycles echoed off the trees. They sounded far away, but were drawing closer. 

“That’s your cue, Avril,” Tank said. “You can finish your cigarette from behind those bushes.”

She flashed Tank a nasty look and then stuffed her cigarette pack into her jacket pocket. She adjusted her bra strap and then picked up her helmet off the seat of the motorcycle.

“Why are you taking your helmet?” Tank asked.

Avril laughed, smoke spurting from her mouth. “What do you think the other group will say when they see two guys and three helmets?”

“That’s my girl, always thinking,” I said.

Avril blew me a kiss and then disappeared behind a thick patch of ferns. Besides the occasional cloud of white smoke billowing from the patch of ferns, she was completely hidden. By the time the other group was in view the smoke clouds had stopped appearing.

I turned my attention to the four motorcycle riders as they entered the clearing. They circled us a couple times before coming to a stop. They parked in a line and dismounted from their bikes in near unison. Each of the men had an olive green duffle bag on his back. They each dropped their bag into a pile on the ground with a heavy metal clank.

The guys weren’t big, but they looked mean and at least two of them were armed. One had a shotgun and another had an automatic pistol sticking out of the waist band of his jeans. The one with the hand gun stepped forward. He didn’t look like he weighed more than 180 pounds, but he looked scrappy. I had no doubt that he could handle himself in a fight. Three teardrop tattoos ran down his face under his left eye.

“Who’s your buddy, Tank?” he asked in a gravelly voice.

“I’m Snake,” I said as I stepped forward with my hand outstretched.

The guy glared at me and turned his glare back at Tank.

“That’s Snake, just like he said and he’s my buddy, just like you said. Now, why don’t you introduce your friends, Jerome?”

Without looking away from Tank, Jerome pointed over his shoulder at each guy in turn. “Patrick, Frank and Leroy. Now that we’re all pals why don’t you show me the cash?”

“Guns first.”

Jerome took a step back and motioned toward the duffel bags. “By all means, check them out.”

Tank pulled a roll of canvas from the cargo trailer, carried it over to the duffel bags and unrolled it. The first bag he opened was full of hand guns, a mix of automatics and revolvers. Tank pulled out an automatic and took it apart quickly, laying each piece on the canvas mat. Once he had it fully disassembled he carefully checked each piece and then put it back together. The next bag held assault rifles. 

While Tank field stripped an AR-15, I kept my eye on Patrick, Leroy and Frank. Leroy was my biggest concern. He carried the shotgun and he looked nervous, like he was expecting trouble. I figured Tank could handle Jerome. That left the three stooges for me. Three guys at one time would be tough. Three guys and a shotgun was a death sentence. I’d need to take out Leroy quickly and then hit Patrick and Frank at the same time otherwise whichever I didn’t hit would have time to pull out whatever weapon they surely had hidden. I looked around at my feet for anything that might serve as a weapon. Near my foot, half buried in the hard ground, was a rock about the size of my fist. I started digging at it with the heel of my boot. Once I’d worked it free I squatted, picked up a small stick and used it to poke at the dirt like I was bored.

“Guns look good,” Tank said when he finished field stripping a gun from each bag; a sawed off shotgun, Uzi, AR-15 and the automatic pistol lay side by side on the canvas mat. He walked over to the bushes, retrieved the bag of cash and handed it to Jerome.

“This all twenty five?” Jerome asked.

“No, that’s the twenty grand we agreed on,” Tank said.

With all eyes on Tank and Jerome I palmed the stone and stood.

“You’ve got your twenty so we’re taking the guns,” Tank grabbed the bag of pistols. “Come grab a bag, Snake.”

Jerome placed a hand on the butt of the automatic sticking out of his waistband. “You need five grand more. Now drop the bag and get me some more cash.”

“Tell you what. You keep the machine guns and we’ll take the other three bags for the twenty.”

“Guns are a package deal. It’s twenty five for all or you get nothing. Now hurry up. The price goes up to thirty in another minute.”

“Fine, keep your guns!” Tank tossed the duffel bag at Jerome and charged him.

Leroy lifted the shotgun and I threw the rock at him while I ran at Patrick. The rock hit Leroy in the forehead and he dropped the shotgun as he sank to his knees. As I slammed into Patrick I saw Frank reach an arm around to the small of his back. I lifted Patrick and continued my charge, carrying Patrick into Frank. A gun skittered across the clearing as all three of us hit the ground. I sat up on Patrick, grabbed his head and used it to bash Frank’s face. They still had their eyes open so I did it again. Satisfied that they wouldn’t be getting back up anytime soon, I turned my attention to Leroy.

He was on his hands and knees, blood running down his face. He wiped at the blood while he groped blindly for the shotgun. I ran over to him, kicked him in the chest and bent to pick up the shotgun. 

“Touch it and you’re dead,” Jerome yelled.

I froze and then slowly turned my head. Tank was on his knees, holding his nose, blood oozing between his fingers.



“For that, we’re keeping the cash and the guns. If we ever see you two again we’ll kill you. As it is, I think we’ll leave you with a little souvenir.” 

Jerome pulled a switchblade from his pocket and flicked it open. He pointed it at Tank. I saw a streak of black shoot from the patch of ferns. Jerome turned toward the sound and Avril smashed his face with her helmet. Jerome’s head whipped back, blood spurting from his nose. I picked up the rock I’d thrown at Leroy and hurtled it at Jerome. He’d started to raise his gun at Avril when it hit him in the back of the head. He pitched forward and dropped his gun. Avril picked it up and pointed it at his head, the gun shaking in her hand.

“Keep that gun on him, Avril,” Tank said. “Snake, keep the others in check while I look for something to tie them up with.” 

I picked up the shotgun and moved to a spot where I had all three in a line. If any of them made I move I wanted to be ready to shoot. 

“How you doing over there, Avril?” Tank dug in his cargo trailer, tossing out tools and other odds and ends.

“I’m fine.” Her voice quivering as she spoke. “I don’t think I’ll be able to return the helmet now.”

I laughed. The helmet lay on the ground at her feet, scratched and smeared with Jerome’s blood.

“You saved our asses, Avril. The way you came blazing out of the bushes and hit him with your helmet—ah here it is.” Tank held up a roll of duct tape. He ripped off a strip and placed it over Jerome’s mouth. He pulled off a long strip and used it to tie his hands together. He walked over to Avril and took the hand gun from her. “You did great. Why don’t you help Snake while I tie up these other yokels?”

Avril walked over to me. As she drew closer I saw tears in her eyes. I pulled her into a hug with one arm while I kept the shotgun trained on Patrick, Leroy and Frank. I looked down at her. She seemed to be a couple inches taller and a few pounds heavier, not that she’d gotten fat. She’d filled out in a good, curvy, womanly way.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

She nodded and wiped at her tears. She fumbled in her pockets for a bit before finally removing her cigarettes. Once she had one lit she said, “That was really messed up, Snake.” She took a long drag.

“I’m sorry Avril. I’m sorry that I put you into danger. I’m sorry I gave you those cigarettes.”

She released a thick cloud of smoke into the air. “I didn’t say it was bad. It was messed up, but in a good way. I’ve never had that much excitement before. As for the cigarettes, I like smoking now. It seems like our lives have become a hell of a lot more fun since we started smoking.”

“Okay, they’re all tied up,” Tank said. “You two want to help me search them?”

“I get that asshole.” Avril pointed at Jerome. She trotted over to him and kicked him in the crotch. “You ever point a gun at my man again and I’ll make you a fucking eunuch.”

Jerome screamed into his gag and curled into a ball. Avril searched him while I searched Leroy and Tank searched the other two. I came up with a hunting knife, cell phone and a 9mm Beretta. I looked over and saw that Tank was smashing Patrick’s and Frank’s cell phones, so I smashed Leroy’s. I looked over to Avril. She’d picked up Jerome’s switchblade off the ground and was flicking it open and closed dangerously close to his face. She smoked furiously and was on her third cigarette by the time we’d packed up the guns. 

“I’ve got a nickname for you, Avril,” Tank said as he dragged Jerome over to his three buddies. “From now on your biker name is Blaze.”

Avril beamed with pride.

“So, Blaze, would you like a Harley of your own?”

Avril walked over to the line of bikes. She touched the seat of Jerome’s motorcycle. “I want this one.” She flicked her cigarette to the side and straddled the bike.

“It’s yours, Blaze. Snake, why don’t you slash the tires and cut the fuel lines of the other three?” He turned toward Jerome. “We’re going to leave now. We’re taking the guns and the cash. Just because I’m such a good guy I’m going to pay you for Blaze’s new hog and for the damage to the other bikes.” Tank tossed a couple stacks of cash onto the ground. “I’m also leaving you a knife. You can use it to cut your bonds after we leave. There’s a town about a day’s walk south.” Tank tossed the hunting knife into the dirt twenty feet away.

We mounted our bikes. Tank led with Avril following on Jerome’s motorcycle. Avril rode the Harley like she’d been ridding for years just like I had after smoking the cigars. As I followed Avril, I saw her long, dark hair flapping in the wind. She was changing, just as I had; she was becoming a real biker chick. As hot as it was seeing her become this total bad ass, I still felt guilty. She was no longer the person she’d been and I’d forced this change on her. I needed to come clean with her.

************

An hour into the ride we pulled into the empty parking lot of a small diner. It looked like we were the only customers which suited us. We were dirty and had just been fighting. We didn’t want to deal with the public. As we entered I pulled Avril aside. 

“I need to talk to you, baby.”

“Hold that thought,” she said. “I need to pee.”

Tank took a seat at one on the booths while I waited outside the bathrooms for Avril. A waitress in her thirties and a tired looking body moseyed over to Tank. I heard him ask for a picture of beer and three steaks medium-rare. When Avril emerged from the bathroom she had her t-shirt tied into a knot, exposing her waist. I pulled her outside.

“I need to confess to you, Avril,” I said. “It was the cigars that were changing me. They were enchanted. When I picked up the antidote, then guy at the store gave me the cigarettes that you’ve been smoking. They’re changing you into an outlaw biker, just like the cigars changed me.”

Avril shook her head. “Holy shit.” She looked down at her body. “Well, that explains why I had to throw out my bra just now.” She cupped her breasts which look like they’d grown a couple cup sizes.

“I’m sorry I tricked you. I was having such a good time as my new self and the idea of you changing turned me on. I shouldn’t have done it. I have the antidote. We can take it and change back.”

“You’re right, you shouldn’t have tricked me, but I’m glad you did. I’ve had an awesome time today. We can talk about changing back tonight. Right now I want to be Blaze. She’s fucking kick ass and I’m loving every minute.”

“Tank ordered us steaks. I can order something else for you.”

“Fuck that. I’d love a steak.”

We reentered and joined Tank. The pitcher had arrived and Tank was filling our glasses with beer.

“To the newest member of our motorcycle club and the woman who hauled our sorry asses out of the fire: Blaze,” Tank said. 

We clinked glasses and chugged our beers. While I refilled our glasses Tank dug in his bag of cash and Blaze lit a cigarette. 

Tank slid a stack of cash toward me. “Snake, that’s for taking on three guys at once.” He slid another stack toward Blaze. “And that’s for saving the day. To think, Snake wanted to go riding around the lake.”

I laughed. “That was Milo talking.”

The waitress hurried over to the table. “There is no smoking in the restaurant,” she said in a huff.

“There ain’t anyone else here so I ain’t bothering anyone. Now be a good little girl and go back to your shitty fucking job.” Blaze took a drag on her cigarette and blew smoke into the waitress’s face.

“If you do not extinguish that cigarette you will have to leave!”

Blaze removed the switchblade from her leather jacket, flicked it open and jammed the blade into the table.

“Go get our steaks, bitch!”

The waitress ran into the back. A half minute later a large man wearing a dirty white apron emerged. Avril jumped up and yanked the knife out of the table. I stood and placed a hand on her arm.

“I’ll take this one, Blaze.” I walked over to the cook. “Listen, pal. We’ve had a hard day and we want to relax, eat a steak, drink a couple pitchers, and smoke.” I pulled a wad of money from my pocket and peeled off a couple hundred dollar bills. “Take these for your trouble and go back to cooking our food. Or you can continue to raise a stink and you’ll have more trouble than you can handle.” I squeezed his shoulder. “And buddy, don’t think even think about calling the cops. That’ll just get you killed.”

The cook pocketed the cash and walked back to the kitchen.

Blaze scooted over and I sat back down. Tank pulled a small humidor from his pocket. He handed me a cigar and kept one for himself. We lit up and joined Blaze in a nice relaxing smoke. Before the steaks arrived we’d filled the restaurant with a thick, smoky haze. The waitress didn’t show her face up front again. The cook delivered us our meal. I’m not sure if the cook was lousy at his job or if he was getting back at us, but the steaks were overcooked and the baked potatoes were undercooked. Still, it felt good to eat a real meal for a change. 

************

When we arrived back home Tank invited us to a local tavern. He said that it was his favorite watering hole and he wanted to make it our official hangout. Blaze said that it sounded like fun, but needed to see her friend and would meet us later. I helped Tank store the guns while Blaze headed home to clean up before heading out.

Thirty minutes later she emerged from the house, looking like her old self. She wore a sun hat, a pair of Birkenstock sandals, and a tent dress that hid her figure. I ran over to her as she unlocked the door to her Nissan Leaf. Both her nails and hair were short again. I gazed at her chest; her breasts were gone. I wondered if she’d taken the antidote, but then she smiled at me. It was her new, confident, “I can fucking take care of myself” smile.

“I’ve got them wrapped with an elastic bandage,” Blaze said, as if reading my mind. “I’m meeting Daisy and I don’t want her to think I got a boob job since I saw her this morning. With my hair and body hidden I look mostly like my old self.”

“You could take the antidote now. You don’t have to wait until tonight.”

“I already called Daisy and told her that I’d meet her. I’ll take the antidote tonight when you do.” She kissed me. “Damn, I want really want a fucking cigarette.” She climbed into her car and drove off.

An hour later Tank and I got on our hogs and rode to his favorite tavern, Shady Place. It consisted of two buildings set on its own private lot. Loud rock music poured from the main building as we entered. A banner announced that “Lookin’ 4 Trouble” was playing live tonight. Three guys who looked like they were still in high school were up a small stage playing music. They were pretty good. The place had twenty tables or so tables. Most of them were empty. 

Tank walked straight to the bar. The bartender placed a pitcher of Budweiser on the bar before Tank even ordered. Tank grabbed the pitcher and slapped down a twenty. He led me out the back and along a short, awning covered path to a second, smaller building. The building held several pool tables, a couple dart boards, and wall to wall speakers which piped in music from the live band in the main room.

“The best thing about Shady Place is you can smoke in the back room,” Tank said as he pulled a couple cigars from the inside pocket of his leather jacket. “You have to fetch your own drinks, but that’s a small price to pay for being able to smoke while drinking, playing pool and listening to live music. You can see why I want to make this our hangout.”

I poured beer into our glasses while Tank prepped the cigars. “It has been a great ride Tank and I wish you every success with your motorcycle club, but Blaze and I aren’t going to be a part of it. We’re taking the antidote tonight.”

“Anyway I can talk you out of it?” Tank handed me a lit cigar.

I pulled in the delicious smoke. “No, I need to do this for Avril. She’s got a life and a family that loves her. It’s the right thing to do.”

“I respect that, Snake. I’d like to stay friends when you’re Milo again. I hope you’ll feel the same way.”

“Me too, buddy. Me too.”



Tank and I were on our second cigars and third pitcher when Blaze arrived. She was back in her leathers and high heeled riding boots. She’d lost the sun hat and her long black hair flowed in waves down the back of her fringed, leather jacket. Her nails were long and painted the same fire engine red as her lips. She had a diamond stud in her nose and a small hoop in her right eyebrow. There was another woman with her. The second woman also wore a leather jacket and had matching facial piercings. She was a little heavier than Blaze, but carried it well. She looked like the kind of woman you didn’t want to piss off. 

“Sorry we’re late,” Blaze said as she lit her friend’s cigarette and then her own. “Daisy and I made a pit stop at the Perfect Piercings.”

I looked back at woman with Blaze. She was exhaling through her nose as she double pumped on her Marlboro 100. Behind the makeup, diamond nose stud and the confident look was Daisy, Avril’s best friend. She’d lost weight and gained height. Her dumpy pear shaped body had morphed into an exaggerated hour glass.

“Tank, I’d like you to meet my friend, Daisy. She’s recently discovered that she’s into bikers like me. When I told her that you’re single she wanted to meet you.”

Tank walked over to Daisy with his hand extended. “I’m pleased to meet you, Daisy. Have you ever ridden a motorcycle?”

Daisy exhaled a lungful of smoke up into Tank’s face. “I rode with Blaze on the way over here. Are you really the leader of your own motorcycle gang?”

“You bet your sweet little ass.” Tank placed his hand on the small of Daisy’s back and led her across the room. 

I led Blaze outside. “What is going one Blaze? What have you done to Daisy?”

“I think it’s pretty fucking obvious what I did to her,” Blaze said. She gave me a defiant look as she exhaled smoke toward the moon.

“Why would you do that to your best friend? I don’t know if we have enough of the antidote to change her back. I’ll have to go back to The Tobacconist to get more and I doubt he’s open this time of night.”

“She doesn’t want the antidote. She’s had this fantasy about dating a real alpha male like Tank for years, but she’s always been too timid. She is loving her new self so far and I don’t think that she’s done changing yet.” She took a puff. “Want to see something trippy?” She pulled her switchblade from her pocket, flicked it open and started cutting off her hair. “Now watch this.” She took a deep drag and held it. Her hair started growing. It was fully restored in a couple seconds. She shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. “It kind of tickles when it grows.”

“Jesus, that is cool.” I sucked on my cigar. I wondered if my cigars would re-grow my hair or restore a tattoo if I had it removed. “So, how did Daisy change so fast? It took you half a pack before the physical changes started.”

“She smoked a couple of them earlier today, while we shopped together. We were sitting outside drinking coffee at a café and I felt like having a cigarette. She used to smoke years ago and when she saw me smoking she decided to join me. When I met up with her tonight I told her what the cigarettes would do to her. She’s been chain smoking for the last couple hours to make the changes happen quicker.”

“Won’t it be weird when you’re back to normal and she’s a tough, chain smoking, biker chick?”

“I don’t want to go back. I want to stay Blaze and I want you to stay Snake.”

My cock swelled. “Are you sure, Blaze?”

Blaze grabbed her breasts, which had grown from oranges to honey dew melons since our adventure at the diner. “You’re crazy if you think I’m giving up my tits, now that I’ve actually got a decent pair.”

I picked her up and kissed her. “You don’t know how happy I am to hear you say that.” I dropped my cigar to the ground and pulled out one of the enchanted cigars. I lit it and took a deep drag, letting the magic finish its work on me. “Let’s go inside and tell Tank the good news.”

When we entered the back room Daisy was leaning over a pool table, puffing away on a cigarette, ash piling up on the green felt, while Tank pounded into her from behind. 

Blaze turned to me. “That looks like fun. Let’s do that, too.” She rubbed at my crotch through my jeans.

I picked her up and set her on the neighboring pool table. I put my cigar in my mouth and yanked down her leather pants and black thong. Blaze yanked down her bikini top, exposing her breasts. Silver rings hung from her inch long nipples. I freed my cock, slid into my amazing girl friend as she wrapped her legs around my waist and pulled me in deeper. We both continued smoking while we fucked, blowing smoke into each other’s faces as we slammed into each other.

I looked over at Tank as he rocked back and forth into Daisy from behind. He used one hand to grip pool table as leverage and the other to grope Daisy’s generous tits. He looked over at me and gave me a big smile, as if to say, “Ain’t this the life.”  

A couple guys walked into the backroom, one of them carrying a pitcher of beer. They stopped talking and looked at us, their mouths agape. 

“Back room is closed,” I said.

The guy without the pitcher turned to leave, but his buddy didn’t budge, his expression of shock turning to a sick leer. “Can we get a turn after you’re done?”

Daisy picked up the cue ball and threw it at the guy, narrowly missing his head. “Get the fuck out of her or I’ll fuck you up the ass with a pool cue!” She picked up the eight ball and hurled it at him, this time hitting the pitcher of beer. The guy ran out of the room, dripping beer as he went. 

************

The next morning I rode my hog to see The Tobacconist. I entered his store to the welcoming smell of fresh tobacco. The proprietor stood behind the counter in the exact same position he’d been standing in the last time I’d seen him two days prior. 

“Welcome back, I see that you’ve decided against using the antidote, a wise decision in my opinion. May I ask how your girlfriend liked the cigarettes? Her name is Avril, correct.”

I couldn’t remember telling him her name on my last visit. Perhaps Tank had told him her name. “She loved them. She goes by Blaze now and she’s become a fucking goddess. She gave some to her friend, Daisy. The cigarettes turned her into a full-fledged, tough as nails, biker chick, as well.”

“Excellent, that is the type of feedback I love to hear. Would you care for a cigar?” When he saw my skepticism he continued. “A normal cigar, I assure you.” He laid a Cuban Montecristo and a gold cigar cutter on the counter. “Now what can I do for you today? More cigars and cigarettes that change the smoker into tough, outlaw bikers or would you prefer something else?”

I cut the end of the cigar. “You have cigars and cigarettes that change people into other things besides bikers?”

“Absolutely, anything you can image.”

“Can they change other things, like clothing? Can the change happen faster?”

The Tobacconist rubbed his chin as he thought for a moment. “Yes, changing clothing should be possible. As for speed of transformation, it can happen as quickly or slowly as you’d like. I had one gentleman that wanted the transformation to happen on the first puff. Another who wanted it to happen over the course of several cartons. While it is possible for second hand smoke to trigger transformations it is hard to control it, although effective with crowds, Tell me what you are looking to achieve.”

“I want to fill out our gang, but I don’t want any more alphas. Four of us are enough. I want the guys to be subservient to the leaders and I want the women to serve anyone in the gang. I’d like it to happen quicker, like after a couple cigarettes or a single cigar.”

”May I suggest cigars that change the smoker into a male, entry level gang member and cigarettes that create biker sluts. Now, do you want to restrict the cigarettes so that they only change females into biker sluts?”

“You have cigarettes that can change someone’s sex?”

“As I said before, anything is possible.” The Tobacconist’s devilish grin was back.

************

When I arrived back home Blaze was back in her Avril disguise. She was in the living room, listening to Black Sabbath on the stereo and inserting studs into a pair of leather pants. She looked up at me with a scowl.

“Where the fuck you been. We need to get on the road if we’re going to make it on time.”

“I paid a visit to The Tobacconist.” I held up a large shopping bag. “I’ve got everything we need to fill out our new gang. I have enough cigars and cigarettes to convert over a hundred people. On Tuesday we can start filling out our ranks.”

“I don’t think I know anyone who else who used to smoke. It will be hard convincing a non-smoker to try one of the cigarettes.”

“You won’t need to. If anyone gets a whiff of any smoke from one of these beauties they’ll get a real curiosity for smoking.”

“I guess that will work.” She looked up at me with an exasperated look. “Well, don’t just stand there. Go get ready so we can get on the road. I want to get this fucking night over as soon as possible.”

“What’s eating at you, Blaze?”  

“I hate these fucking clothes and we’re going to need to take the Leaf to my parents, but I really want to ride our bikes there. I want to show up as my new self, but I don’t want to scare the fuck out of them. And I want a fucking cigarette!”

I leaned over and kissed her. “I’ll hurry, babe.”

She kissed me again. “I’ll be better once I have a cigarette. I’ll let my family know we smoke once we get there. I just don’t want to show up smelling like an ashtray.”

I took a shower and dressed in jeans and a dress shirt. I found Blaze in the driveway talking to our other gang members. Both Daisy and Tank were dressed head to toe in leather. Daisy looked taller, but then I noticed the heels of her boots. They were five inches tall at least. I showed them the cigars and cigarettes and their special properties.

“Well, don’t get them mixed up with our smokes. We don’t want any of us to change,” Tank said as he pulled a carton of Marlboro 100s from Daisy’s grasp. 

“They won’t change anyone who’s already been changed. So you can go ahead and smoke those, Daisy.”

“That’s all right, Snake. I’ve got plenty of smokes on me already. I got something to show the both of you.” She lifted her shirt and tugged down her leather pants to reveal a fresh tattoo. In large, flowery script the word “Tempest” was etched into her abdomen just above her black, lace panties. “I go by Tempest now.”

Blaze and I climbed into her Nissan Leaf while Tank and Tempest lit up smokes and then climbed onto their bikes. They rode ahead of us. We rolled down our windows and relished their second hand smoke.

************

An hour later we arrived at Blaze’s childhood home. Her parents lived on twenty acres that had once been a horse ranch. A large, white house sat back from the main road. Near the house they had a sizable garden, a large detached garage, a couple stables and a giant barn. Other than a black lab named Oscar they had no pets. Several alternative fuel automobiles were parked next to the house. Smoke billowed from a backyard barbeque grill, but I didn’t see Blaze’s family.

Except for tires crunching on gravel, Blaze and I pulled up the house in silence. We were approaching the front door when we heard Tank and Tempest arrive on their Harleys, the roar of their engines echoing through the valley. Blaze’s entire family poured out of the house to investigate the noise.

I hadn’t seen Blaze’s family for a few months, but they looked pretty much the same. Her parents were in their mid fifties and graying. Her father, Logan Wood looked like he’d been in decent shape at one time, but now sported a pot belly and walked like he had severe back pain. Her mother, Belinda wore a purple tie-died dress. She wore wild flowers in her hair and looked like she’d stepped out of a peace rally from the early seventies.  

“My god, Milo. What happened to you?” Logan said when I shook his hand.

“I got into weight lifting.”

“I’ll say. Haven’t been using steroids I hope.”

“Who’s on the motorcycles?” Byron, Avril’s brother, asked. He and his wife, Amethyst looked much like Avril and I had a couple days prior. They wore natural fibers and looked like listening to NPR was a favorite past time.   

“Mom, Dad, everyone, I’d like you to meet Tank and Tempest. They’re our next door neighbors,” Blaze said.

Blaze hugged her sister, Emma as Tank shook Logan’s hand. She then hugged Emma’s lover, Terry. Both Emma and Terry wore jeans, no makeup and their hair in buzz cuts. Terry had on a men’s shirt and tie. Emma sported t-shirt with a pair of interlocking female sex symbols.

“You’re just in time,” Belinda said. “The food is ready. It such a nice day we thought that we’d eat outside, if that’s okay with you.”

“Do you mind if we smoke, Mrs. Wood?” Tempest asked as she pulled a pack of cigarettes from her jacket pocket.

“Feel free. I’ll get you an ashtray.”

“I have something to tell you guys,” Blaze said as she removed her cigarettes from her purse. “I started smoking. So did Milo.”

“It’s you body and you’re an adult, pumpkin. You can so as you wish.”

We lit up. The smoke felt amazing as it hit my lungs. I looked over at Blaze; a look of blissful contentment washed over her face as she double pumped her cigarette. Belinda was a little annoyed when she found out that we were no longer vegans, not that she minded that we now ate meat, but she’d made a vegan, lentil stew just for us. 

After dinner we played Cornhole, a yard game that consisted of two teams of two people throwing bean bags into a hole in slanted wooden planks nine yards away from each other. Blaze’s parents had enough equipment for two games to be played simultaneously. Blaze and I played against Byron and Amethyst while Tank and Tempest played against Emma and Terry. Blaze’s parents watched from the patio.

Halfway through the first game, while it was Byron’s and my turn to throw, Blaze excused herself headed to her car. She returned a minute later with a fresh pack of cigarettes. As she tore off the cellophane wrapper I noticed a half empty pack of cigarettes poking out of her purse. It made me wondered why she’d grabbed a new pack. She lit up and then helped Amethyst collect the bean bags.

Amethyst stepped forward to the throwing line and took aim. She tossed a bean bag in a high arc. It landed on the wooden plank in front of me with a thud. While it missed the hole, it stayed on the plank which was worth one point. It took 21 points to win the game. As she stepped away from the shooting line Blaze exhaled a thick cloud of smoke and it floated into Amethyst’s face. She let out a cough and flashed a nasty look at Blaze.

After throwing a bean bag into the hole and scoring three points for our team, Blaze let out another opaque cloud. It rolled over Amethyst again, but she didn’t cough this time. When the next cloud hit her she inhaled through her nose, a look of enjoyment on her face like she was sniffing a bouquet of flowers. 

“Do you think I could have one of your cigarettes, Blaze?” Amethyst asked after we’d finished the game.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” I pulled Blaze away before she could give her sister-in-law a cigarette.

“Honey, are you really thinking of smoking a cigarette? You hate smoking.” Byron asked his wife as I led Blaze to the other side of the house.

“What are you doing, Blaze? Why are you smoking the new cigarettes around your family?”

“I want my family to join The Reapers,” she said.

“Okay, but we should give them different smokes. These turn women into complete sluts.”

“Everyone who joins our gang has to start at the bottom and then earn their way up. Men start as gophers and the woman as biker sluts.”

“You are one crazy bitch!” I said with a laugh.

“I know, don’t you love it.”



I looked around. “You know, this place would make a great home for The Reapers. We could convert the stables into motorcycle sheds and build some bunk houses out by the barn for new recruits. When people move up in rank they can build their own places on the back half of the property. We’d keep this house for ourselves, of course.”

“I love the way you think, Snake. We could move out here next week,” Blaze said. “We’ll have to do something about the current tenants though.”

We rejoined the family. Logan and Belinda were playing Cornhole against Tank and Tempest while Byron and his wife played against his sister and her girlfriend. Blaze walked over to Tempest and gave her a couple of the new cigarettes and then gave one to Amethyst, along with a light. Amethyst’s first drag was hesitant and weak, her exhale barely visible. Her second puff was deeper and floated over toward Emma.

“Thanks for the cigarette. You and Tempest made smoking look so enjoyable and now I see why.” She took a long drag on her first cigarette and held it in her lungs for a few seconds before reluctantly blowing out a white cloud of smoke.

“Anytime.” Blaze walked back to the car and back with one of the new cigars. As she handed it to me I wondered why she hadn’t gotten one for Tank as well.



Tempest lit one of the new cigarettes and bathed Belinda in smoke. I lit my cigar and walked over to Byron and Terry. I smoked around them for a couple minutes and then made my way over to Logan and Tank. I pretended that I was interested in their game while I sent a couple exhales Logan’s way. By the time the game ended Byron and Logan were smoking cigars and Belinda, Emma and Terry were puffing on the new cigarettes. They all adapted to smoking quickly and by the time the women had finished their cigarettes they looked like they’d been smoking for years.

The sun was starting to go down and it was getting chilly. While Blaze’s family went inside to get coats and sweaters she made a third trip her car, this time returning with our leather biker jackets. We all sat at the patio table and talked, Byron and Logan still smoking their cigars. Blaze stood suddenly.

“I have another confession to make. Milo and I have started an outlaw biker gang with Tank and Tempest called The Reapers. Milo’s name is now Snake and mine is Blaze. Snake didn’t get his muscles from steroids her got them from an enchanted cigar. I know that is hard to believe, but I’ll prove it to you.” Blaze pulled out one of the original cigarettes and lit it. As she puffed away her hair grew down to her shoulder blades.

“How the hell did you do that?” Emma asked, looking just as shocked as the others.

“The cigarettes and cigars we gave you are enchanted, too. They’re going to turn you into bikers. Byron and Daddy will be giving us a demonstration after another puff or two.”

Logan took a drag on his cigar and his hair darkened before growing and covering his ears. Byron looked at his cigar. He brought it to the ashtray and pointed it down like he was going to crush it out. Amethyst grabbed his hand.

“Take a puff, baby,” Amethyst said. “I want to see what you’ll look like as a biker.”

“Really? You want me to become a big, beefy brute like Tank and Snake?” Byron ran a hand over Amethyst’s breast as he kissed her. “Does the thought of me dressed in leather and covered in tattoos get you hot?” 

Byron brought the cigar to his mouth and sucked on it, its tip turning bright red. He grabbed his wife’s chin, tilted her head up and exhaled into her face. She moaned and ran a hand over his arm. He flexed; his arms were a little thicker than a baseball bat and his bicep barely visible.

“Smoke for me, baby. Make your muscles grow,” she said in a husky voice.

Logan set his cigar in the ashtray and watched his son smoke. Byron puffed furiously, the ash on his cigar growing long before falling onto the table. He thickened before our eyes, his biceps growing into thick, veined softballs. His jaw grew angular and his hair fell into a ragged mop.

“Is this what you wanted, babe?” he asked in a gruff voice as a tribal tattoo formed around his neck.

“God, yes!” Amethyst shrieked. She groped her husband’s chest as his pecs inflated and his shoulders widened.

Byron pulled on his cigar for over five seconds, exhaled through his nose and pulled on it again. More tattoos appeared on his arms, which were now as thick as gateposts. His light cotton jacket darkened and the material thickened into leather. His sandals morphed into motorcycle riding boots.

“Light up a cigarette, babe,” Byron said in a deep voice. “Become a biker chick for me.”

Blaze held out a cigarette and lighter to Amethyst. “I must warn you that everyone who joins The Reapers starts off at the bottom. One of the jobs of an entry level female biker is to service the other, higher ranking members, any of them. Once you’ve risen in rank you can become exclusive, but until then you’ll be spending most of your time on your back.”

“Is that what you want, baby? You want me to be a biker whore?” Amethyst cooed. “You want to fuck me while I suck your daddy’s cock?”

Byron took the lighter from Blaze and flicked it to life. Logan grabbed his cigar from the ashtray and took a long drag. Amethyst placed the cigarette in her mouth and accepted a light from her husband. She double pumped the cigarette and her short, light blonde hair darkened and fell down her back. 

“This feels amazing,” she said as she massaged her swelling breasts. 

Amethyst’s clothing faded away, leaving only her white cotton bra and panties which quickly turned into black mesh. She raised her cigarette back to her face, her finger nails turning red and pushing past the tips of her fingers while a collection of silver rings appeared on her fingers. Her lips turned red just as her eyes became lined in thick black, and a silver ring formed in her nose. She continued to fill the air with her smoke as a studded leather jacket materialized on her torso, half zipped, emphasizing her slender waist and showing off her new cleavage. 

“Who wants to fuck?” she asked as she ground out the butt of her cigarette.

Byron started to rise, but Blaze pushed him back into his chair.

“This one’s mine.” Blaze turned to me. “You take my mom. I want you to introduce her to that anaconda between your legs.” She slid the pack of Marlboro 100 to her mother and then helped our newest member stand on her new high heels. She pulled Amethyst into a passionate kiss before leading her by the hand into the house.

Belinda looked at her husband who was busily puffing on his cigar. He looked like he was in his thirties and hit the gym daily. She looked at me and smiled as she removed a cigarette and then sliding the pack toward her daughter.

Emma looked at the pack. “If I smoke one of these and join your gang, can I stick to women?” 

I lit Belinda’s cigarette. “No, you’ll have to fuck anyone in the gang.” I looked over at her dad who now sported a horseshoe mustache and an eyebrow piercing. “You won’t have to commit incest though.” I thought for a moment. “Unless you want to, that is”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Belinda said as she exhaled the smoke from her lungs and lost ten years around the eyes. “I’ve always been happy with my life.” She took another drag and the rest of the wrinkles faded from her face. Her lips plumped and her cheekbones rose, giving her an adorable, heart shaped face. “Something about the idea of a big, powerful engine roaring between my legs sounds so wonderful right now.” Smoke gushed from her mouth as she spoke. She brought the cigarette back to her mouth and inhaled directly into her lungs. “Jesus, this feels amazing!” Her dress split at the waist, the top half shrinking into a Harley Davidson, half t-shirt that exposed the bottoms of her swelling tits while the bottom half wrapped around her hips and became a pair of tiny cutoffs, exposing her long, sleek legs. “You’ve got to fucking try this girls. If you thought your first cigarette tasted good, you haven’t fucking lived yet!”

Emma lit Terry’s cigarette and then quickly lit her own. Logan looked on as he rubbed his crotch through his leather chaps with a hand that looked strong enough to crush stone. 

Belinda looked lost in her own world as she smoked her cigarette while it dangled from her ruby lips and her hands roamed over her smooth, bare waist. A diamond stud sparkled in her navel and silver bracelets clanked on her wrists. Her auburn hair hung to her waist and large hoop earrings adorned her ears. She took a final drag off her cigarette, flicked it into the grass and stood with cat like grace. She sashayed over to me on her strappy stilettos, her large tits bouncing with each step.  

“Come on, Snake,” she said as she took my hand and lifted it to her breast. “I’m all ready for you.”

“Hang on a moment, hot stuff. I want to watch the rest of the show.”

Belinda let out a girlish squeal as I picked her up and set her on my lap. She felt like she weighed 90 pounds and looked like she’d get carded going into a bar. She slid off my lap and unbuckled my belt. Once she had my cock free she impaled her mouth on it.

Emma and Terry gazed at each other as they began to change. Logan—perhaps encouraged by the blowjob his wife was giving me—pulled out his cock and began stroking it, his gaze never leaving Terry. Hair erupted from the girl’s heads, Emma’s becoming a mix of black and platinum blonde, Terry’s a fiery red. They sucked on their cigarettes simultaneously and exhaled into each other’s faces. As the smoke cleared dramatic, seductive makeup formed on their faces. They took another drag and then kissed, smoke oozing from their noses. They separated again and fed their bodies more smoke, their chests rising as they inhaled. When they exhaled at each other their chests remained inflated. They dragged on their cigarettes and their tits expanded again.

Emma’s top morphed into a studded leather bustier as her jeans transformed into lace up, skintight, leather pants. Terry’s clothes vanished, leaving her in bra and panties, both of which changed into black leather. A tattoo of the Grim Reaper fucking a woman fucking with his scythe appeared on her abdomen. More tattoos materialized, covering her arms and legs with roses, hearts, skulls and lots of women being fucked by bikers and mythological beasts.

Terry turned away from Emma and pulled Logan’s hand away from his cock. “Let me help you with that, tiger” she said and then kissed his erection.

When Emma leaned over and kissed Tank I felt a wonderful surge of pleasure and began shooting cum into her mother’s mouth.

“That was a fantastic blowjob.” I picked her up and tossed her over my shoulder. “Let’s go watch your daughter have sex with your daughter-in-law.”

As I carried Belinda into the house I saw Tempest lean back in her chair with her legs spread as she guided Byron’s face toward her pussy. She had a cigarette in her mouth and looked like she was enjoying life.

I found Blaze in her parent’s room, her face buried between Amethyst’s legs. I laid her mom onto the bed next to the pair. She looked up and did a double take.

“Mom, is that you?” Her face glistened with Amethyst’s juices.

“You sure know how to pick men, angel,” Belinda said as she stroked my cock. “You don’t mind if I borrow him for a bit longer, do you?”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Mom.” Blaze hopped off the bed and grabbed her cigarettes. She lit a cigarette and then handed one to her mother. “I’m sure you’ve heard that a cigarette is great after sex, well they’re nothing compared to one during sex.” She lay back down on the bed, her cigarette dangling from her mouth and guided Amethyst’s face to her snatch. “Now show me what you’ve learned, Venus.”

I flipped Blaze’s mom onto her hands and knees and lined up my cock. “Venus?”

“It’s Amethyst’s new name. All our converts get new names.” She hollowed her cheeks around her cigarette and then shot smoke through her nose toward Venus as she lapped at Blaze’s clit. “You’re going to need a new name, Mom. Belinda just ain’t going to cut it.”

Belinda lifted her cigarette to her mouth and took a puff as she pushed back on my cock. “You can call me whatever. I’m so happy you shared your wonderful cigarettes with your family.” She paused to let out a shriek. “Fucking hell, Snake. Your cock is going to ruin me for other men.”

“You’re welcome, Mom,” Blaze said. She pulled her cigarette from her mouth and gave her mom a deep kiss. “I’m happy that you’re happy.”

“I know what we should call your mom,” I said as I slammed my cock into Belinda’s tight pussy. “With her new looks we should call her Lolita.”

“Perfect,” Blaze and Lolita said simultaneously.

After I finished breaking in Lolita’s newly refurbished pussy she asked if it was okay if Venus gave her a cunnilingus lesson. Blaze thought that it was a fine idea. 

“You two stay here and fuck each other’s brains out,” Blaze said. “I need to show Tank something in the other room.”

Once we left the room Blaze pulled me into her old bedroom. “You know that every organization needs a single leader, especially a biker gang.”

“Yeah, so?”

“Tank is not that leader. He almost got us killed in the woods yesterday and he already screwed you over once, what’s to stop him from doing it again?”

“I hear what you’re saying about the gun deal, but how did he screw me?”

“He tricked you into smoking an enchanted cigar.”

“I wouldn’t be who I am if he hadn’t given me those cigars,” I said. “We wouldn’t be having this conversation if it wasn’t for him.”

“Do you really think he had your goodwill in mind at the time?” Avril asked with a look of contempt on her face.

“Jesus. I should call you Lady Macbeth instead of Blaze. What the hell do you propose? I don’t want to hurt him and if I tell him I’m taking over it will come to blows.”

“There won’t be any fighting. We’re going to give Tank some of his own medicine.”

“I see where you’re going. He’s never been altered so if we give him one of the new cigars he’ll become a new recruit and have to listen to us. Is that your plan?”

Blaze let out a laugh. “Close, but no cigar.” 

Blaze took my hand and led me into the living room where an orgy was underway. Byron and Logan double teamed Terry on one side of the room while on the other side Tank laid on his back with his head in Tempest’s lap. She stroked his hair and shared her cigarette with him while Emma bobbed up and down on his cock. Tank was lost in the moment. Emma had gone from carpet-muncher to expert cock sucker and was giving Tank a demonstration of her new skills. Tempest watched on, taking a drag off her cigarette and then holding the cigarette up to Tank’s lips and letting him have a drag.  

“That isn’t one of the new cigarettes is it?” I whispered to Blaze.

She nodded, but I didn’t really need her acknowledgement. The cigarette’s affects were already evident. Tank’s hair had grown a foot and taken on a lustrous shine. The scar on his face was gone as was his facial hair. It looked like he was wearing eyeliner.

“So, who’s who?” Blaze asked as we watched Tank slowly become a woman.

“Your dad is fucking Terry and she’s sucking your brother’s cock.” I noticed that Tank had lost his hairy gut and a smooth, creamy abdomen was forming in its place.

“They’re going to need new names, too,” Blaze said

“Terry should be Cayenne, don’t you think?” I watched as Tank’s muscular pecs softened and expanded into a gorgeous pair of tits.

“I love it. I want Emma to be called Raven. I always liked that name. Let’s call my dad Mad Dog and my brother can be Cruiser.”

“Tank is going to need a new name.” I fired up a cigar as I watched his hands shrink and nails lengthen. I was getting hard as I gazed at the woman Tank was becoming. 

Tempest stopped stroking Tank’s hair and played with his tits instead. Tank’s feminine face was covered in heavy makeup and contorted in pleasure. Raven had stopped bobbing up and down on his crotch and was now flicking her tongue against the small nub that his cock had become. A series of bars, studs and hoops materialized all over Tank’s body and a tattoo of a bad ass biker chick riding behind the grim reaper on a Harley took up most of his smooth, hairless torso.

“Let’s call her Jezebel,” Blaze said. “I think it’s time that you break in our newest recruit, Snake.” 

I tapped on Raven’s shoulder and she moved away. Jezebel came back to her senses and looked down at her body. She cupped her breasts, a look of horror on her face. Her hands were dainty and had long painted fingernails. She looked like she was about five-two and weighed a hundred pounds, most of her weight coming from her expansive tits.

“What the fuck did you do to me?” she asked in a soft soprano.

“We made you a part of the gang, sweetie,” Tempest said. “Everyone has to be changed to be part of gang, no exceptions. Your old self must die to be a member of The Reapers.”

Jezebel glared at me. “You could have made me a gopher; you didn’t have to turn me into a biker slut.”

“You should have thought about that when you tricked me into smoking one of your enchanted cigars. Now, I’m no rapist, so I’m only going to fuck you if you want me to,” I said. “What’s it going to be, you going to walk out the door and start your new life as a woman or are you going to join The Reapers?”

Jezebel’s gaze lowered down my body, her expression losing its bitterness and gaining a lustful need the closer it got to my cock. When she took in my massive member she licked her lips, leaned forward and licked its length with the tip of her tongue. She let out a throaty moan and engulfed my cock with her soft, red lips.

As I watched her bob up and down on my cock I couldn’t help thinking that she was a whole lot easier on the eyes then she had been. A lot had changed in the last few days and I loved my new life. I took a hard pull on my cigar, pulled Jezebel off my cock and sat her on her hands and knees.

“Smoke this while Snake fucks you.” Tempest placed a cigarette between Jezebel’s lips. “It intensifies the pleasure and, honey, you are about to get a whole lot of pleasure.”

Jezebel looked back, a mix of fear and desire on her face and she watched me move my cock toward her cunt. She looked forward, accepted a light from Tempest, took a deep drag and then nodded her head. I slipped my tip past her folds and she let out a startled gasp.

Tempest pulled the cigarette from Jezebel’s mouth and gave her a deep kiss. “See what I mean? And he’s just getting started, baby. Later I’ll show you what my tongue can do to your clit.” Tempest put the cigarette back in Jezebel’s mouth.

Jezebel hallowed her cheeks on her cigarette and I pushed in deeper until half my cock was buried in her quivering pussy. Her head flew back as she let out high pitch scream, smoke pouring out of her mouth. She slammed her hips backward and buried herself fully on my cock. I pulled back, slowly until my tip was at her folds and then I slammed home, my balls smacking her clit. I picked up my pace and fucked her in earnest. 

“On Tuesday we can start some real recruiting,” I told Blaze as I pounded Jezebel from behind. “I’m sure that your students would love to be part of The Reapers as would our old neighbors. I bet we could have a hundred members by month’s end. Then let someone like Jerome try and rip us off. We’ll destroy them.”

“We should tell people up front what will happen if they smoke one of The Tobacconist’s enchanted cigars or cigarettes,” Blaze said. She and Tempest were lying in each other’s arms, sharing a cigarette while they watched me fuck Jezebel.

“Absolutely, and if they don’t like the idea of transforming into a biker we’ll light one up ourselves and then they’ll love it, just like us.” I grabbed Jezebel’s hair and pulled her head back, a look of rapture on her face. I let out a roar as I blew my load into my old neighbor and newest member of The Reapers and then said, “Welcome to the club.”